My White Light Moment

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With the energy of the cosmos now focused on our inner journey, our inner healing, our inner pain, I feel supported in sharing my "White light" experience with you.

If you have been following me for any length of time, you may recall my near-death-experience I described in the post: On The 10th Anniversary of My Death, and the events that have "gifted" me with my abilities to help others heal, in the post: How I ended Up Dying.

This has been a touchy subject for me over the years, but because of my soul contract I feel the need to share my experience in hopes of helping others who have experienced similar things. I will go more into detail about the events you are about to read in my book (if it ever feels complete enough to share), until then, I ask you to please be open minded to a world we aren't familiar with.

Before this event I did not believe in God. I always had a strong belief in a higher power but felt that the biblical version of God was not the same version that I believed in. I believed in angels. I believed in an afterlife. I believed that everything happened for a reason. That day laying on the operating table of my second emergency surgery, I experienced events that totally rattled my beliefs. I had a "white light" moment, that would change, my life forever. 

I woke up on the operating table and heard all kinds of beeping sounds and doctors screaming. It was very bright as I opened my eyes. My eyes came into focus and I could see were the big surgery lamps over me as they hung from the ceiling. I could hear machines going off; sirens, and CODE BLUE being spoken over the loud speaker.

I sat up and swung my legs to the side and got up off the operating table. As I turned around to scope out the place, I noticed that there I was, still laying on the table. There were a group of doctors who were shoving tubes in me, one down my throat, others in my arms. Another group of doctors and nurses were still working to repair the hemorrhage in my abdomen from where they cut my baby out of me.

There were doctors frantically coming in and out of the operating room, responding to the CODE BLUE call.

And there I stood, over my own lifeless body.

Although I had no clue what was actually happening and how it could be even possible for this to be happening, I started frantically trying to get in the doctor's way. I was screaming at them to just let me go. I had a very difficult childhood and had struggled through a couple suicide attempts in my teens. I had recovered to the point where I no longer attempted to end my life, but I wasn't against dying by accident.

The truth was, if there was a button to end your life, "game over", it would have been pushed years ago. Especially now, having just been through the pregnancy from hell, I really didn't have much fight left in me. All I ever wanted was to be a Mom and now that dream was gone.

I was crying and trying to swipe the doctor's hands away, but just like I was dreaming, I was invisible to these people. No one could see me or hear me, and I couldn't physically make contact with anything I was trying to touch. It was as if I were a ghost and my touch sliced right through these people and objects I was trying to make contact with; as if I had disappeared.

I was having a fit at this point. I didn't want the doctors to save me. I didn't want to wake up and live through this life. I just wanted them to let me go.

In that moment the room lit up. Not as if someone opened the window to let the sun in, but more like this beautiful, mesmerizing, white light that penetrated every inch of that place in an awe-inspiring glow.

The truth is, I don't have the words in my vocabulary to truly describe this light. Not because I am unaware of the words to use in this instance, but because the words just simply don't exist in our language to describe the kind of light I was witnessing.

The light was coming in more and more, every time the operating doors swung opened. There were doctors entering and exiting through these doors where it seemed as if they were getting sucked up and spit out by this engulfing light. But it shocked me that they weren't even paying attention it. They were rushing around as if it were business as usual.

I started to turn away from myself laying on the operating table as I tried to walk towards the light. I had gotten to the end of the operating table where my physical body still lay, where my feet were secured in stirrups; and I was suddenly stuck in space. I was unable to move any further, as if magnets were keeping me from getting too far away from my body.

Still in a state of distress and confusion, I struggled to walk towards the light but couldn't make it past that point. I hung my head in defeat and the tears fell off my face. When I looked up there stood my grandmother. She had passed away when I was 9 years old, but yet there she stood smiling at me in that operating room.

I wanted to walk towards her but still couldn't move any further away from my body as it lay on the operating table than before. Nanny spoke no words to me, but she carried a face and smile that for some reason assured me that things were going to be okay.

The flicker of the white light still kept getting brighter with each opening of the OR doors. A man walked in but wasn't rushing like the others were. He was very calm and peaceful and walked to the right side of my Nanny were he stopped and folded his hands in front of him. I kept looking at my Nanny, but she showed me no signs of worry or concern.

The doors opened again filling the room with even more brightness and this time a girl walked in. I couldn't see her because her hair was long and covering her face from my view, but she wore the same hospital gown as I did. She walked behind my Nanny, and then behind the man, and turned to walk towards the operating table.

The closer she got, the more I started to scream, "NOOOOOO!" . I looked to my Nan and this strange man to stop this girl from coming near me or my body on the operating table, but neither of them moved.

I couldn't move.

I wasn't sure what she was doing, but I felt the need to stop it. She walked like a robot towards me and then jumped up on the table and laid down over my body.

Then I woke up. 

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